if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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