I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
