really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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