I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
