please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
