Can i not drive my cunt home
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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