YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
