I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
