I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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