If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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