Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
