I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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