Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
