he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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