Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my vagina is haunted
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
