I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
