it wasn't lemon gatorade
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was like eating out sand paper
Acid is not a monday night drug
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
