Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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