I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
