it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
