I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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