I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize