I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
