He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
