Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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