For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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