We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
