Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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