I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
