Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize