I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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