I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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