he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
