guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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