I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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