I wish I could punch you in the face.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
