end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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