Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
