at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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