You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
