he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
