I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pants are for mortals
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
