I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
