R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
