She went from zero to smokin in five shots
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
