pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
