he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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