i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
