Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
