he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
