what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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