he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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