if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
