Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
