when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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