need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
