did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I skipped work to stalk him.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
