If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
