I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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