we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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