He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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