Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
