god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
