worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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