I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
