i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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